I’m absolutely a Gen Xer. I’ve always happily identified with my cohort – independent, resilient, resourceful, adaptable, cynical, pragmatic, and sceptical of authority.
Predisposed as I am it results in something of an inimical relationship to technology – I’m more than happy to make use of it as needed, but don’t have any sense of excitement about virtual participation.
So, no Facebook, twitter X, tic toc, WhatsApp carry-on for me – I like tv, and books, and music in person, live if possible. Yeah, I miss out on things, and I’m sometimes confused when there is a big fuss in the media about something that’s happened on-line. However the upside is that I am able to optimise my JOMO, and keep my personal outrage within tolerable limits.
As a technological observer there is one thing I can see from this vantage – this social media thing doesn’t seem to be going very well. Everyone seems to be getting crankier, and adamant that they have the answer. When we’re not arguing we’re cancelling each other. “I’m right, you’re wrong and I’m not going to listen to you anyway…..” In fact just the other day our environment minister has suggested that the best move to prevent further civic unravelling would be to switch off your social media altogether.
Sold to us as a way to come together, it instead seems to have compelled us to close our ears, eyes and hearts, and increasingly we find ourselves isolated, confused and less resilient.
As I work with leaders and their teams, to explore ways to work together more effectively, often the challenges we face together have at the core a reluctance or inability to have the deeper, open and vulnerable conversations. Really great teams are, in my experience, marked by individuals prepared to be both generous and curious.
Ted Lasso, in the show’s first season, delivers a wonderful speech as he plays White Knight to his boss, Rebecca. Hustling Rupert (Rebecca’s antagonistic ex-husband) at darts, he points out that he has often had the experience of being underestimated by others, particularly those who choose misplaced certainty over curiosity. Ted quotes Walt Whitman – “Be curious, not judgemental”, and suggests that Rupert’s arrogance and judgement has led to this moment of humiliation, in which he loses his wager to Ted. That if he’d only asked “Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?”, he could have found out the degree of Ted’s proficiency, and may have thought twice about taking him on. (Please, go and watch Ted Lasso, every episode contains truly human leadership gems – a practical masterclass in coaching leadership).
As leaders and team-mates we can benefit greatly by being curious. To be open to accepting each other’s opinions as possible options. To ask ‘what is it that you can see, that I cannot’? How do we make sense of the great complexities we face in our workplaces, together?
Brian Grazer, the Hollywood film producer has a personal practice he outlines in his book “A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life”. He regularly and deliberately seeks the company of people he believes he will likely disagree with. And when he sits with them he will say something like – “I never thought about it exactly that way before. What can you share that will help me to see what you see?”. Not convince me, not argue your case; rather a respectful consideration of each person’s views to endeavour to see the world through one another’s eyes.
In our work teams, and across our social connections, we could all benefit by reaching out and building greater understanding. What can we teach one another? How can I broaden my view and know more, and appreciate you more?
And if you don’t think this could work – that’s OK friend. What is it that you could share with me to help me see what you see?
David works with leaders and their teams to create thriving work environments. Psychologist, coach and facilitator – his moments of greatest accomplishment is witnessing the transformation that his clients achieve when the conditions support their growth and capabilities.
David Lawson
April 2024.
Sydney, Australia.
